Growing, not dying

A friend told me recently, "A business that isn't growing is dying." This friend just happened to be a Business graduate, and those words have been knocking around in my brain not because I'm interested in business theory, but because I think that statement can also be applied to life, or more specifically, to my life.

If I'm not growing, I'm dying.

I'm not trying to be morbid or overly dramatic; actually, this realization is quite assuring and hopeful to me. In fact, it explains a lot: why I become restless and depressed when my life isn't building towards something, or why I feel hopeless and anxious when I am unclear on a direction to take.

But all of this realizing shines a light on another bigger accomplishment that I am proud enough to write about. I think I have finally squashed my biggest roadblock: myself.

I am my father's daughter, that is for sure. And my Dad, god love 'im, is his own worst enemy. He could talk himself out of taking a shit for fear he'd have to wipe. That may sound harsh, but Dad tends to decide he can't do something before he's even tried. And unfortunately, he carries with him a healthy heaping of guilt. I am just like Dad, and up until this year I've truly been my own obstacle, always down on myself, always full of excuses.

I don't know what happened, really. Maybe I'm getting older, and realized HEY! I'm nearing thirty. Or maybe my husband's constant encouragement finally seeped into my brain. I'm honestly not sure what it was, but somehow I think it's connected to the idea of growing vs. dying.

To look honestly at your own life, realize that you want more, and understand that you are the only person with the power to change that reality is an extraordinary, if simple, revelation. And to actually persist in doing so delivers unending rewards.

Last January, I decided that I was going to make some serious changes in my personal life. It had nothing to do with anyone, but with my relationship with myself. I realized I needed to stop fighting myself, stop blocking myself from success. I needed to be my own friend, to realize my own potential, and to find satisfaction in improving my mental and physical being. Somehow, understanding that was the key to execution; I've been practicing patience, diligence, and presence, and I have poured my heart into yoga, food, and my work, which has become the holy trinity upon which I find meaning. In short, a deep connection to my mind, spirit, and body has been nourished, and I'm feeling stronger as a whole than ever before.

I believe that we all have our own paths that lead us to that feeling. And I also believe those paths will veer, and split, and not always remain unobstructed or easily identifiable. We may all have our own paths to pursue, but the desire to continue striding down each of our own, putting one foot in front of the other, is a universal calling. Growing, evolving, and improving our human condition is the drive of the soul, I believe, and once we stop moving - stop trudging ahead - we die. Either figuratively or literally.

Part of that growth, for me, is the understanding that this is it - this is my life. I can sit back and complain and talk myself out of everything I've ever wanted, or I can suck it up and get to work. So that's what I've been doing. And let me tell you, I haven't felt this clear ever before. And the funny thing is, I have no idea where I'm headed. I just know - without any hesitation - that I'm walking in the right direction.