the in-betweens

it seems lately that my life is always teetering back and forth, playing with the fine line between too much work and too much fun. in either case, it's constant excess. always go go go. there are so few moments of peace, of calm. and even those moments must be penciled in.

work seems to suffocate every weekday. my dayjob is a constant race of completing tasks so that more tasks can be assigned, always working as quickly and efficiently as possible, my mind continually sorting and unsorting, organizating and reorganizing. the scramble dances its way into the evening, when i begin the evening routine of household chores. dinner, dishes, cleaning, laundry, litter box. bills gas groceries. garden recycle compost.

i don't wish to complain, as i've chosen my life and am quite happy with it. and the minutes that are not completely consumed by work are consumed entirely by play.

i can't imagine working so hard, every day, without giving equal effort in having fun. every second of work is motivated by the quiet buzz in the back of my head... the stirring of anxious anticipation of something great coming up... parties. campfires. friends. conversations. drinks. road trips. movies. dancing. good reads. good wine. good food. i play hard, and i love it.

but it's the in-betweens where everything happens. where the stirring begins, where the excitement happens. where the motivation and determination is planted. the quiet, quick little moments between the work and the fun where i am stuck with myself, my thoughts. it's the meditative drive to and from on the northway. it's the seconds before sleep staring at the ceiling. the contemplative glance around the kitchen after a great meal. and yes, even those moments alone in the loo with nothing much else to do.

these are the minutes, seconds even, that define everything else. the definitive pauses that allow us to chart the path for tomorrow, or next week, or next year. life, lately, has been a little song of go go go go pause. go go go go pause. and it's at the pause, in between the gos where we find the strength, reason, and will to continue.